Gluten free - day 1

On Thursday I called the hospital. More than a week since the biopsies, I had expected the results by then. The nurse, or receptionist, on the other end could confirm that the biopsies were back from the lab, and that a letter had been written two days before. She could not tell me over the phone what the letter said. It's Sunday now, and still no letter. Is there such a thing as letter-snatchers? Or has my letter taken a journey on the internal mail highway in the hospital and gotten lost?

Either way - yesterday I decided to wait no longer. With the letter in the mail, I figured starting eating gluten free would be fine. I had my first intentionally gluten-free breakfast. Eline and I made a glorious lunch salad with sliced rib-eye steak on top.

We visited friend in the evening and attempted to make sushi with their rambunctious kids - it was hilarious. And the resulting sushi, sashimi, fish and rice combo was very good. Eline and I had it with Tamari instead of regular soy sauce. Surprisingly, I could not detect much of a difference. I am so happy. Really, I am. Soy sauce would have been kind of a big deal to do without.

I also stocked up on some gluten free staples from Schär. Like orange cookies... I created a gluten free shelf in the kitchen and there I have a loaf of bread, some ciabattas, cereal, Scandinavian crisp bread. And orange cookies.... So far I have tried the bread and the cereal. Both are quite alright.

Yes, and we will not talk about the half danish (very much not gluten free). One moment it sat on the counter, the next it did not... So today is the true gluten free day 1.

Feeling "not so good to be honest"

It has been three weeks since my last blog entry. It is less than two weeks until I can start living gluten free. Since finding out my blood tests came back positive at the end of January, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster. From crying on that first night - missing every future gluten laden snack and nice bread in advance - to today when I just cannot wait until I can start living without gluten.

Logically I cannot wait. I know I have support from my family. They have volunteered eating only gluten free foods at home at least for the first month, while I find my feet in a new gluten free world. I know the fog in my brain will lift. I know I will get to eat and feel satisfied instead of always feeling something is missing. I know I will stop feeling so awfully tired and exhausted. But all of this is my logic side. My loudest side.

My more quiet, emotional side is still just stunned. Or perhaps in denial. Nothing like acceptance there. My emotional side is just tucked away in a corner of my personality, sobbing. Not wanting to have to take this seriously. Not wanting to become the gluten free warrior you need to be. Not wanting the fuss and the attention. Just wanting everything to be as it used to be. Not like now, but like before. My emotional side wants to go back in time.

I believe I still have some grieving to do. 

Celiac disease? - I hope so!

I know something is not right with my body. I've known for some time. Symptoms of intestinal discomfort, headaches, anxiousness, and fatigue have ruled my days for at least two years. But my stomach troubles and persistent fatigue have intensified since June of last year.

Today I have been home from work, too tired to function. Too tired to really do anything but nap, watch some youtube videos, and nap again. Yes, and I made a couple of phone calls. To my doctor and giving notice that I will not attend a meeting tonight. People have not necessarily seen my fatigue. I have developed coping mechanisms and put on my game-face. But the game-face is starting to crack. I can't keep it up. It's getting too exhausting. It's frustrating - I watch the days pass by me. They pass me by, I'm not participating.

At last, it seems that there is an explanation for the diverse symptoms I've been experiencing. I STRONGLY suspect that I have celiac disease. I have had blood tests which came back positive, but the gold standard for diagnosing celiac disease is upper endoscopy and small bowel biopsy. I will have that test in April. Until then I continue to eat gluten containing foods. And can't help but think - I wonder if I would feel better if I didn't eat you.

I wanted to put how I feel now in writing so I can compare with how I feel after starting a gluten-free diet. Just as the little scientist I am. Performing an experiment with an N=1.